... so the added 12V lamp attenuates the ext relay coil emf.
you could leave the lamp in place, but there is no guarantee of no future misbehaviour even with the lamp.
better fixes would be to :
one diode anode from "load +", cathode to "battery +" in the attached.
second diode anode from "load -", cathode to "battery -"
add 100nF or so capacitor across ext relay coil (ideally a ceramic capacitor which is better for high risetime spikes)
a much better solution is to add a zener / transzorb directly across the ext relay coil - suitably rated for ext relay / solenoid size and max battery voltage.
ideally the fix lies inside the controller circuitry but that would mean taking a closer look at its internals.
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