Wedding MC needing a joke or two

[rvdm1]

Ok so funny picture and joke threads aren't allowed, but I feel this falls in a bit of a grey area. It's more of an advice thread really.

I am MC at a wedding this evening and I need a joke or two. Usually when people tell jokes it comes in the one ear, I laugh, and then it goes out the other ear.

So gee my asb 'n oorspronklike grappie of twee as jy iets het.

Selfs 'n trou themed land rover grappie kan werk, bruidegom is 'n Toyota man en sy swaer weer 'n baie groot landy ou.

[Half-Pint]

Weddings are very different for bride and groom. The groom just arrives at the venue and stands next to the altar. The poor bride has to fit in her dress, do the hair, the make up, get out car with the huge dress so by the time she arrives she has a mental list going of all the proceedings.

First we arrive at church and walk down the aisle. Then get to the altar and we sing the first hymn.

So every brides checklist is:
Aisle
Altar
Hymn


Aisle
Altar
Hymn

Aisle
Altar
Hymn


And thats when the trouble starts

[PJ SA]

"it's been an emotional day for everyone, even the cake is in tiers"

Usually about 40% of a wedding gets it but the ones that do kill themselves laughing (if never heard before)

[PJ SA]

I would like to start by requesting that all the exits and entrances be made clear for the medical team outside to rush in as quickly as they can when we present the bride's parents with the final wedding bill.

[PJ SA]

I wanted to make a short toast of my own if that's ok with everyone, will just be a minute. I’ve known Frik and Marie for a few years now, and I’ve seen them make a lot of difficult decisions together. Some good and some not-so-good decisions. I’m just glad that I could be here today to witness them make the best decision of their lives . . . long pause and look around the room(kyk rond n bietjie) . . . choosing me as their MC!

[rvdm1]

This is good, I knew it was a good plan to ask here. Thanks guys

[PJ SA]

This is good, I knew it was a good plan to ask here. Thanks guys

Lekker late with your planning good luck

Looking for my speech note pad but think it's in the store room, if I find it I'll add some more here

[rvdm1]

Lekker late with your planning good luck

Looking for my speech note pad but think it's in the store room, if I find it I'll add some more here

Just a little... typical of me to procrastinate until there is a bit of pressure on. Ok and when it comes to speeches I tend to go with the flow rather than prep too much. I was just going to joke around in the moment but decided this morning that it won't be the same without one or to 'prepared' jokes.

[WillieJimny]

Thank you for asking me to be your MC. Being an MC is almost like kissing the queen of England. Its a big honour but nobody really wants to do it

[Commander]

Lekker late with your planning good luck

Looking for my speech note pad but think it's in the store room, if I find it I'll add some more here

This was what I was going to say, but yet again the forum delivers!

[jaconell]

Not a joke but advice - drink enough Calmettes unil you feel a buzz developing and then stop.

[pwgg]

You will have a few mates among the guests, ask them to chirp you a bit and have a few chirps ready for them. My son was MC for my daughters wedding, he has red hair and he had a mate among the guests who chirped him about his red hair. He was quick to respond that it is not red it is ginger and he should not forget that. Broke the ice and from then on it was a funny light hearted affair with lots of impromptu laughs. Went well.

[bigboy529]

Skoonma grappies is altyd 'n wenner.

[hunter26]

An MC job is to co ordinate the process by informing all who are making speeches not to waffle for an hour but rather 3 min. Give a joke or two but don't laugh at your own jokes nor bring up past happenings that the groom did with some woman, this could cause a short wedding. When telling a joke in between speeches, don't make jokes about groom and bride, that is the best man's job. Keep jokes clean, including chirps. Lastly, don't give past secrets away. Good luck

[JJJ]

Skoonma grappies is altyd 'n wenner.

If I can twist Mark Twain somewhat: Always tell jokes about your skoonma - as long as she is not present 😏.

Derived from: Always listen to your parents - as long as they are present.

[WillieJimny]

A good starting point is to tell the bride and brides maids that they look beautiful and then say something like the grooms mom dressed him nicely

[Groen Ambulans]

Die paartjie moet asb. vanaand hulle gordyne toemaak, die liefde is blind, maar die res van ons is nie.

[Roberto Betta]

An MC can make or break your wedding so we chose someone who was both comfortable and good at public speaking and played it safe by having our Dominie playing both roles.

[Mikepike]

Thanks everyone - also MC at a wedding soon, and these jokes are spot on 👌

[bertus]

Take care the bride is not allowed to eat wedding cake.