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  1. #1
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    Default Harassment at work

    Yesterday, a subordinate comes to me and says that during Friday drinks, after I had left, a guy in another department made an inappropriate sexual advance on her.

    She told me this yesterday, and I discussed it with her. She says that she confronted the guy on Monday, and that he apologized and that he can't recall what he said because of intoxication, etc.

    I asked her how does she feel about the situation. She said that he seemed remorseful, and that she accepts his apology, and I asked her whether she wants me to escalate it to head-office. She asked me not to, and that if he does it again then I can.

    So, I went home thinking about it, and resolved this morning that I will ask her again whether she wants me to escalate it. This morning I ask her about it again, and she gave me a bit more detail, what was said, etc. But, she begged me to not escalate it, as she feels it will just create bad vibes, etc.

    I am now in two minds....In today's day and age, these things are taken much more seriously, and I believe that there should be consequences for this type of behaviour, however, she has pleaded with me to not escalate this matter. So, I also don't want to break her trust in this...

    Difficult decision as what to do...

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Let HR know what happened and that the staff member does not want to log a formal grievance.

    You need it on the record to avoid a possible situation of "I told my manager and he did nothing"


  3. #3
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Ditto

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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by veedub View Post
    Let HR know what happened and that the staff member does not want to log a formal grievance.

    You need it on the record to avoid a possible situation of "I told my manager and he did nothing"
    Agree 100%.

    Get everything in writing.
    My ryding: 'n Ding met 4 rubber sirkels en n enjin wat nou en dan aangedryf word met al 4 sirkels

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Cancel Friday drinks or at least move it off site venue- then is not work related.


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  7. #6
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by veedub View Post
    Let HR know what happened and that the staff member does not want to log a formal grievance.

    You need it on the record to avoid a possible situation of "I told my manager and he did nothing"
    This.

  8. #7
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Asking on behalf of a friend?

    Last edited by MANDREAS; 2021/04/21 at 12:14 PM.
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  9. #8
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by veedub View Post
    Let HR know what happened and that the staff member does not want to log a formal grievance.

    You need it on the record to avoid a possible situation of "I told my manager and he did nothing"
    Correct. I also dealt with this previously. Exactly the same scenario. I asked her "what do you want me to do" and "how can we avoid this happening again". In the end, we decided on some sexual harassment training by HR, with specific focus on what can be construed as SH and what the repercussions are if accused.

    Very sensitive topic as each person interprets SH differently and have different tolerance levels.
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  11. #9
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by MANDREAS View Post
    Asking on behalf of a friend?

    Lol...You the guy with the rappey eyes...

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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Shes asked you twice not to mention it, so dont. My experience of HR's is they can blow anything way out of proportion, even if you do mention it to them off-record.

    Maybe just set a reminder to check in with her after the weekend again, just in case its still on her mind, if its still the same decision then smack her on the arse, and tell her to get out your office and back to work.
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  14. #11
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by Nys View Post
    Correct. I also dealt with this previously. Exactly the same scenario. I asked her "what do you want me to do" and "how can we avoid this happening again". In the end, we decided on some sexual harassment training by HR, with specific focus on what can be construed as SH and what the repercussions are if accused.

    Very sensitive topic as each person interprets SH differently and have different tolerance levels.
    So Gert as ek jou boud slaan in die kantoor sal jy weet dis net 'n grappie tussen vriende...
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  15. #12
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by IcePick88 View Post
    Agree 100%.

    Get everything in writing.
    This is dangerous as without confronting him, or evidence from other staff members it is her word against his. Notify HR of the complaint, absolutely. Do that in writing yes and specifically mention that she decided not to proceed with "charges".
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by Karol View Post
    Cancel Friday drinks or at least move it off site venue- then is not work related.
    Cheers
    Willem Greyling

    "When the wise man points at the moon, the imbecile examines the finger" - Confucius

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  18. #14
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Aviator, you can be an @ss on the forum, but I wish from the bottom of my heart that I had a manager like you when I was still in the corporate world 25 odd years ago.

    She is scared of the consequences, that is why she does not want you to escalate it. Every woman has that fear. I agree that you should keep her trust at absolutely all costs, but you also need to get something in writing.
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  20. #15
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by lekhubu943 View Post
    Aviator, you can be an @ss on the forum, but I wish from the bottom of my heart that I had a manager like you when I was still in the corporate world 25 odd years ago.

    She is scared of the consequences, that is why she does not want you to escalate it. Every woman has that fear. I agree that you should keep her trust at absolutely all costs, but you also need to get something in writing.
    Best thing ever said about Aviator on the forum
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  21. #16
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    The fact that she has brought this to your attention means that she want's something done about it, otherwise why would she tell you? It's hard to believe " But, she begged me to not escalate it, as she feels it will just create bad vibes, etc." Your call.
    You help where you can, when it is needed. You only give advice when it is asked for!

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  23. #17
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    I tend to agree with a few of the previous posts.
    My 2cw:

    1) definitely move the drinks off site
    2) you will know your staff, is this guy likely to have done this in the past or again in the future? Do you think he took being confronted by her seriously enough to never try anything like this again?
    3) to cover yourself get some paper trail of her complaint with her rather than just verbal so that it cant bite you sometime in the future? Specifically her reluctance to take it further.
    4) As Christa said it is very difficult for this girl and she wont want all the scrutiny and possible stigma after the dust settles.

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  25. #18
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by Steady View Post
    The fact that she has brought this to your attention means that she want's something done about it, otherwise why would she tell you? It's hard to believe " But, she begged me to not escalate it, as she feels it will just create bad vibes, etc." Your call.

    Quote Originally Posted by lekhubu943 View Post
    Aviator, you can be an @ss on the forum, but I wish from the bottom of my heart that I had a manager like you when I was still in the corporate world 25 odd years ago.

    She is scared of the consequences, that is why she does not want you to escalate it. Every woman has that fear. I agree that you should keep her trust at absolutely all costs, but you also need to get something in writing.
    I agree with Christa here as that's been my experience as well. Especially if she did not take "action" as it happened i.e. warned him off, or told him he is inappropriate. This can be interpreted as "rewarding the behavior" and lead to further instances.

    In my specific case, it happened again. She still didn't want to escalate but asked me to intervene and mediate a meeting between the two of them. This I recorded in writing and recorded the meeting. I gave him a written warning, but filed it confidentially with the head of HR (so as to avoid middle level management being exposed)

    But the animosity in the office you could cut with a knife afterwards!
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  26. #19
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    2 issues, one I believe you have to respect her wishes, these things can take of their own life in a corporate environment. As long as you believe she is not doing it out of fear of victimization. I suggest get this on record with both of you signing a document

    Quote Originally Posted by Aviator_01 View Post
    he can't recall what he said because of intoxication, etc.
    I would still address this with the relevant person's manager, getting intoxicated to point of no-recall in a work environment is simply not on.
    Last edited by mullerza; 2021/04/21 at 12:54 PM.
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  28. #20
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    Default Re: Harassment at work

    Quote Originally Posted by Aviator_01 View Post
    Lol...You the guy with the rappey eyes...
    Good thing you didn't tell her to stop complaining and to grow a pair...*

    Just handle it with tact and professionalism, advise her of her rights and leave the decision up to her.













    *Grappie almal....





    Cheers
    Willem Greyling

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