How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

[Kaptein Jack]

The heading says it..

How does one go about this extremely difficult task?

[PhlippieV]

People I know asked one of the local speedcops in their town to go and drive with his mother, and the speedcop then showed her where she drove in an unsafe manner, and where he would fail a learner driver. This convinced her to hang up her keys.

[Tony Weaver]

Do a cost/benefit breakdown analysis of using Uber vs owning a car. If he's a pensioner, as I presume he is, he'll see the light pretty fast in hard cash saved.

[Prof]

Do a cost/benefit breakdown analysis of using Uber vs owning a car. If he's a pensioner, as I presume he is, he'll see the light pretty fast in hard cash saved.

I need to sit on my hands or should

Disagree....nothing to do with economics....about the impending loss of independance

Been thru three such situations.

[LouisF]

Do a cost/benefit breakdown analysis of using Uber vs owning a car. If he's a pensioner, as I presume he is, he'll see the light pretty fast in hard cash saved.

Depends on where he is, outside of the big towns there is NO Uber, e.g. Stilbaai where my dad lives.

[12richardk]

Mine drove until he passed away at 86 , he thought he was a racing driver the last few years , but enjoyed it with no serious accidents , dont take away freedom lot more other problems on our roads in SA

[Sam vd Merwe]

The question is who can drive him around 24/7?

[BruceHun]

The heading says it..

How does one go about this extremely difficult task?

How bad is his driving?

[Oupoot]

Luckily (!?) my dad's eyesight got to the point where he accepted the fact. And my mom then drove them, still has before lockdown, but I think we are in same situation now with them... time to amortised the capital sitting outside under the carport.

[Spiceman]

Yes, one get extremely "hardegat" ou omies that refuse to except they are past the driving phase.

[ed rouillard]

We are in same quandary. MIL IS 86 I think and drives. Stays in a retirement home in a flat we had refurbished. A good life until covid and then the driving.

MIL is going to need a drivers renewal in 2 yrs time. No way she will pass. Had eyesight problem this year and aged quickly also. Bunch of expected Co morbidities. Lots of meds as is normal at this age. She is frail and quite difficult mentally, common to the age.

Has had 2 driving Incidents in the last year both needing car repair and both avoidable. Suggests risk going forward.

Still drives and is developing a sort of dishonest streak. Driving whenever possible, and not disclosing.

Wife is in RSA and other siblings in UK and US and the sister, a weird Trump supporter, is causing chaos by behind the scenes comms and soft support of the behaviour.

The issue is this: if there is a serious accident, there is good chance that there could be a claim repudiation and the kids have all been asked who pays - or who carries risk, and how one deals with a serious case where MIL survives a drastic event where others suffer etc. MIL has limited assets and insurance.

Have not got a solution now but going to have one in next week. Uber not suitable due to the geriatric nature of MIL and risks. Talking to the complex management about options etc.

Will provide follow up.

[Patrick L]

Show him this!

[RoelfleRoux]

My dad's retirement village strongly advised me to take his wheels away about 7 years ago. By then they had already "hidden" his keys.
I had a firm discussion with the old guy and we agreed I will buy his Jetta at book value. I did and he gave me his license. At the time my mom had very bad and traumatic dementia and my dad was getting dragged down emotionally and physically.
This whole affair had me in tears to see such an independent man being reduced to a car-less wreck. He was only about 84 at the time. Not long after that my mom passed away. That "released" the old bugger and he started picking up again. He bought a Mercedes-Benz off some old biddy, got himself a license again and a girlfriend. He's still wheeling at 91.
The moral of the story is:
a) it is a most difficult obstacle to navigate
b) it is near impossible to get the timing right - too soon and you deprive an old man of one of the last dignities he has left, too late and the consequences can be horrific.

[Graham]

He’s your dad.
no beating around the bush. Its easy. Sorry boet. The time has come

[breyts]

My dad started driving like he was driving a dodgem car at age 82. Would only stop once he hit something (like another car in a parking lot). At some stage the insurance said they will not ensure him anymore - but my mom refused to stop him from driving as it was their independence and she liked the outings. (and dad had to go and buy the Huisgenoot once a week, go to the Post Office and bank etc). My mom was suffering heart failure the last 4 years, and had difficulty moving around.
We used to warn him that some day he could seriously injure or kill somebody and asked him to stop driving, but to no avail. Mom wanted her Huisgenoot. End 2019 they were on the way somewhere, he hit a JCB in the road, the car spun into another car and was basically written off (no serious damage, but enough body panels damaged to make it not worth while to fix). Also no serious injuries (at first glance), but my mom took a big bump on the hip and knee.
After that, her condition worsened to the fact that she passed away on 24 March last year. (at least she was spared the lockdown) Although we would/can never say it, the accident indirectly caused my mom's premature passing. So the short answer is - do what you can to convince your dad to stop driving (tell him he could cause serious injury or death to somebody). It is a really difficult thing to do - but necessary. Make sure there is alternative transport - either the retirement village or be willing to drive him around a lot until he gets used to it. I hope it helps....

[Gungets Tuft]

Mine drove until he passed away at 86 , he thought he was a racing driver the last few years , but enjoyed it with no serious accidents , dont take away freedom lot more other problems on our roads in SA

Many of those other problems are also people that shouldn't be driving though. Maybe not through age and loss of skills, but I'd trust the OP to know, perhaps find a way for him to be independent and safe.

[Dirkba]

The heading says it..

How does one go about this extremely difficult task?

Kaptein
Sit down with your Dad and ask him how long does he think he will still have good health and stay out of hospital.

Convince him that you care about him and want to enjoy those years with him without having to stress about a phone call from the hospital, because someone else was neglegent and caused him to be in intensive care.

At his age a motor accident will leave him for the worst...discuss his concerns and objections.

Key (no pun intended) is to negotiate the
surrender of his keys.

I have burnt the T-shirt!

[Louis J]

I started disconnecting one plug wire a week until my Mom told me her car is no good anymore,
problem solved.

[bigboy529]

This thread reminds me of my late grandmother rest her sole, already at a advanced level of dementia we still didn't sell her car, it stood under the carport, but her permanent carer had the keys, not that she was in a state to even get the car started.
On one of her better days she announced early morning that she wants to take a drive to the shops today, the carer agreed, walked out with her and unlocked the car. Grandma very proudly got in on the front left, put on her safety belt and reached out for the wheel. It took her a couple of seconds then she announced with quite a shock that this is a *@* car since it no longer have a steering wheel or pedals.

Tough one, some say leave them but what if they cause a serious accident seriously hurting themselves or others? Then there's also getting lost, we had a family member whos kids didn't take the step of saying enough is enough, between his house and the local Spar which was literally 1 block away, he got lost at least once a week until they eventually took away his car, one day they found him 20 km away from his house.

[bostoe]

My Mother started to loose her eyesight at a relative young age due to Macular Degeneration. (70)

She had a few hick ups like driving through a boom etc.

I consulted her ophthalmologist and he was of the opinion that it isn't safe for her to drive.

I painted the picture of the possible concequences of possibly hurting somebody or even killing somebody and she agreed not to drive. Kept her car for about ten years afterwards for people to cart her around.

Bostoe