Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 49
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Welgelegen, Cape Town
    Age
    58
    Posts
    2,096
    Thanked: 242

    Default How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    The heading says it..

    How does one go about this extremely difficult task?

    Toyota D4D Legend 45
    Triton Clubcab 2x4 2.5 DID
    Bushlapa Vlooi 652

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Somerset West
    Age
    35
    Posts
    558
    Thanked: 267

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    People I know asked one of the local speedcops in their town to go and drive with his mother, and the speedcop then showed her where she drove in an unsafe manner, and where he would fail a learner driver. This convinced her to hang up her keys.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to PhlippieV For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Cape Town
    Age
    64
    Posts
    10,370
    Thanked: 3405

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Do a cost/benefit breakdown analysis of using Uber vs owning a car. If he's a pensioner, as I presume he is, he'll see the light pretty fast in hard cash saved.
    Tony Weaver

    1991 Land Rover 110 Hi-Line S/W 3.5l V8 carburettor
    Cooper Discoverer STT tyres, four sleeper Echo rooftop tent
    2012 Mitsubishi Outlander.

    Previously Land Rover 1968 SII, 1969 SIIA, 1973 SIII, 1983 Toyota HiLux 2litre, 2006 Land Rover Freelander TD4 HSE.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Tony Weaver For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Friemersheim, Southern Cape
    Age
    58
    Posts
    4,662
    Thanked: 4396

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by Tony Weaver View Post
    Do a cost/benefit breakdown analysis of using Uber vs owning a car. If he's a pensioner, as I presume he is, he'll see the light pretty fast in hard cash saved.
    I need to sit on my hands or should

    Disagree....nothing to do with economics....about the impending loss of independance

    Been thru three such situations.
    '98 Daihatsu Rocky 'The Kitty'
    '02 Daihatsu Rocky 'The Bully'

  7. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Prof For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Paarl
    Age
    58
    Posts
    186
    Thanked: 354

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by Tony Weaver View Post
    Do a cost/benefit breakdown analysis of using Uber vs owning a car. If he's a pensioner, as I presume he is, he'll see the light pretty fast in hard cash saved.
    Depends on where he is, outside of the big towns there is NO Uber, e.g. Stilbaai where my dad lives.
    Louis Farrell

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to LouisF For This Useful Post:


  10. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Johannesburg/Prague
    Age
    60
    Posts
    352
    Thanked: 84

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Mine drove until he passed away at 86 , he thought he was a racing driver the last few years , but enjoyed it with no serious accidents , dont take away freedom lot more other problems on our roads in SA
    Pajero 3.2 DID Gen 4 Standard for now
    Platcar Alfa Giulietta 1.4 MA
    Swambo Volvo S40 T5

  11. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Brakpan
    Age
    51
    Posts
    3,439
    Thanked: 291

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    The question is who can drive him around 24/7?
    Four wheels move the body,
    Landys move the soul.
    0735236742
    Current: Discovery 2 td5.
    Next landy, D3 V8 HSE Previous one.D1 v8i D1 300 TDi donkey, D1 V8 Fuel THIEF!!! freelander 1, biggest pos known to man,

  12. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Plett/Paulshof
    Age
    54
    Posts
    3,366
    Thanked: 1345

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaptein Jack View Post
    The heading says it..

    How does one go about this extremely difficult task?
    How bad is his driving?
    Bruce Hunter. 2019 FJ Cruiser, Audi Q5S Tdi, 2019 VW Tiguan 4motion 2.0tsi(work vehicle), Bush Lapa Kewer 2202, Fusion 17 boat-Yamaha FT100hp 4st.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to BruceHun For This Useful Post:


  14. #9
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Roodepoort
    Age
    61
    Posts
    457
    Thanked: 64

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Luckily (!?) my dad's eyesight got to the point where he accepted the fact. And my mom then drove them, still has before lockdown, but I think we are in same situation now with them... time to amortised the capital sitting outside under the carport.
    '20 Ford Ranger XLT, Bushtec Canopy
    '18 Compass offroad Caravan

  15. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Pretoria
    Age
    50
    Posts
    924
    Thanked: 1193

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Yes, one get extremely "hardegat" ou omies that refuse to except they are past the driving phase.
    Current - 2009 Mazda BT50 3.0CRDi 4x4 d/c
    Previous - 2005 Ranger 2.5 tdi 4x2 d/c (277 422km)

  16. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Bryanston
    Posts
    286
    Thanked: 181

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    We are in same quandary. MIL IS 86 I think and drives. Stays in a retirement home in a flat we had refurbished. A good life until covid and then the driving.

    MIL is going to need a drivers renewal in 2 yrs time. No way she will pass. Had eyesight problem this year and aged quickly also. Bunch of expected Co morbidities. Lots of meds as is normal at this age. She is frail and quite difficult mentally, common to the age.

    Has had 2 driving Incidents in the last year both needing car repair and both avoidable. Suggests risk going forward.

    Still drives and is developing a sort of dishonest streak. Driving whenever possible, and not disclosing.

    Wife is in RSA and other siblings in UK and US and the sister, a weird Trump supporter, is causing chaos by behind the scenes comms and soft support of the behaviour.

    The issue is this: if there is a serious accident, there is good chance that there could be a claim repudiation and the kids have all been asked who pays - or who carries risk, and how one deals with a serious case where MIL survives a drastic event where others suffer etc. MIL has limited assets and insurance.

    Have not got a solution now but going to have one in next week. Uber not suitable due to the geriatric nature of MIL and risks. Talking to the complex management about options etc.

    Will provide follow up.

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to ed rouillard For This Useful Post:


  18. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Cape Town
    Age
    53
    Posts
    1,562
    Thanked: 1247

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Show him this!

    "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence."

    - Charles Bukowski

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to Patrick L For This Useful Post:

    WAJ

  20. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Barberton
    Age
    63
    Posts
    6,161
    Thanked: 1964

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    My dad's retirement village strongly advised me to take his wheels away about 7 years ago. By then they had already "hidden" his keys.
    I had a firm discussion with the old guy and we agreed I will buy his Jetta at book value. I did and he gave me his license. At the time my mom had very bad and traumatic dementia and my dad was getting dragged down emotionally and physically.
    This whole affair had me in tears to see such an independent man being reduced to a car-less wreck. He was only about 84 at the time. Not long after that my mom passed away. That "released" the old bugger and he started picking up again. He bought a Mercedes-Benz off some old biddy, got himself a license again and a girlfriend. He's still wheeling at 91.
    The moral of the story is:
    a) it is a most difficult obstacle to navigate
    b) it is near impossible to get the timing right - too soon and you deprive an old man of one of the last dignities he has left, too late and the consequences can be horrific.

  21. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to RoelfleRoux For This Useful Post:


  22. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Harties Boet
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,871
    Thanked: 1289

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Hes your dad.
    no beating around the bush. Its easy. Sorry boet. The time has come
    Graham Robertson
    Nissan Patrol 4.8
    Nissan Patrol 3.0 CRD

  23. The Following User Says Thank You to Graham For This Useful Post:


  24. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Durbanville
    Age
    55
    Posts
    155
    Thanked: 62

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    My dad started driving like he was driving a dodgem car at age 82. Would only stop once he hit something (like another car in a parking lot). At some stage the insurance said they will not ensure him anymore - but my mom refused to stop him from driving as it was their independence and she liked the outings. (and dad had to go and buy the Huisgenoot once a week, go to the Post Office and bank etc). My mom was suffering heart failure the last 4 years, and had difficulty moving around.
    We used to warn him that some day he could seriously injure or kill somebody and asked him to stop driving, but to no avail. Mom wanted her Huisgenoot. End 2019 they were on the way somewhere, he hit a JCB in the road, the car spun into another car and was basically written off (no serious damage, but enough body panels damaged to make it not worth while to fix). Also no serious injuries (at first glance), but my mom took a big bump on the hip and knee.
    After that, her condition worsened to the fact that she passed away on 24 March last year. (at least she was spared the lockdown) Although we would/can never say it, the accident indirectly caused my mom's premature passing. So the short answer is - do what you can to convince your dad to stop driving (tell him he could cause serious injury or death to somebody). It is a really difficult thing to do - but necessary. Make sure there is alternative transport - either the retirement village or be willing to drive him around a lot until he gets used to it. I hope it helps....
    Carl Breytenbach

    11 Pajero Sport 3.2 Auto
    15 Volvo V40 D3
    Echo 3.5 (Ex Echo 1 Modified)

  25. The Following User Says Thank You to breyts For This Useful Post:


  26. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Durban
    Age
    61
    Posts
    1,396
    Thanked: 2396

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by 12richardk View Post
    Mine drove until he passed away at 86 , he thought he was a racing driver the last few years , but enjoyed it with no serious accidents , dont take away freedom lot more other problems on our roads in SA
    Many of those other problems are also people that shouldn't be driving though. Maybe not through age and loss of skills, but I'd trust the OP to know, perhaps find a way for him to be independent and safe.

  27. #17
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Pearly Beach near Gansbaai
    Age
    63
    Posts
    130
    Thanked: 117

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaptein Jack View Post
    The heading says it..

    How does one go about this extremely difficult task?
    Kaptein
    Sit down with your Dad and ask him how long does he think he will still have good health and stay out of hospital.

    Convince him that you care about him and want to enjoy those years with him without having to stress about a phone call from the hospital, because someone else was neglegent and caused him to be in intensive care.

    At his age a motor accident will leave him for the worst...discuss his concerns and objections.

    Key (no pun intended) is to negotiate the
    surrender of his keys.

    I have burnt the T-shirt!

  28. The Following User Says Thank You to Dirkba For This Useful Post:


  29. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Benoni
    Age
    62
    Posts
    180
    Thanked: 149

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    I started disconnecting one plug wire a week until my Mom told me her car is no good anymore,
    problem solved.

  30. The Following User Says Thank You to Louis J For This Useful Post:


  31. #19
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Pretoria
    Age
    32
    Posts
    3,479
    Thanked: 1058

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    This thread reminds me of my late grandmother rest her sole, already at a advanced level of dementia we still didn't sell her car, it stood under the carport, but her permanent carer had the keys, not that she was in a state to even get the car started.
    On one of her better days she announced early morning that she wants to take a drive to the shops today, the carer agreed, walked out with her and unlocked the car. Grandma very proudly got in on the front left, put on her safety belt and reached out for the wheel. It took her a couple of seconds then she announced with quite a shock that this is a *@* car since it no longer have a steering wheel or pedals.

    Tough one, some say leave them but what if they cause a serious accident seriously hurting themselves or others? Then there's also getting lost, we had a family member whos kids didn't take the step of saying enough is enough, between his house and the local Spar which was literally 1 block away, he got lost at least once a week until they eventually took away his car, one day they found him 20 km away from his house.
    "The problems we have today is because the guys who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living." - Magnus Heystek

  32. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Bloemfontein
    Age
    56
    Posts
    1,927
    Thanked: 333

    Default Re: How do I tell my dad he should not be driving anymore

    My Mother started to loose her eyesight at a relative young age due to Macular Degeneration. (70)

    She had a few hick ups like driving through a boom etc.

    I consulted her ophthalmologist and he was of the opinion that it isn't safe for her to drive.

    I painted the picture of the possible concequences of possibly hurting somebody or even killing somebody and she agreed not to drive. Kept her car for about ten years afterwards for people to cart her around.

    Bostoe

  33. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to bostoe For This Useful Post:


Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •