Landrover - you have truly saddened me..





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  1. #1
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    Default Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Landrover – honestly, I expected just a little more from you…

    A short story, because I like telling stories, and since you are here, I guess you like reading them...

    So while this is not intended as a bitch session, it might actually well be, not that I expect that Landrover SA will ever give a flying toss, however in some small way I hope this letter finds its way to John (Pseudonym), the service manager at Landrover branchname Somewhere in Gauteng, between Alberton And Sandton, and to his client liaison officer Marcy (not really sure if this is the correct job title.. but what the hell, we’ll use it, and for the sake of anonymity, another pseudonym)

    Pseudonyms are being used here, since I do not want to get into a legal battle with Her Majesty’s finest, but heck, John, if you read this, you know who you are, and just somehow, I think you will...

    So, my 2014 RR SC 405 Fattie, damn..., heck of a vehicle, genuine, like I smile every time I use it... She makes me feel good in a manly kind of way, and please, genuinely, please don’t pass comment that the fattie is compensation for a small nana or some crap like that, because quite honestly the only one who would know if that is true or false is my wife (and ok quite possibly also my GP since he has worked on some tubes down there..), and my wife sure as hell won’t tell you if it’s true, then no sense going further right, I mean if it is true, well, I guess I would not know better as I still have all the fun, with the long or the short of it so to say……

    Anyway, I digress, however my driving smile became a bit of a grimace a few weeks back...

    Let’s picture the scene since inception... somewhere around the 31K mark I noted a rather annoying rumble on this vehicle, only apparent around 120-140kph, mostly on deceleration, irrespective whether in neutral or in gear.
    LR Branch Somewhere Between Alberton and Sandton changed literally everything that spun under her, short of the motor and gearbox, took ages, as these things do, but I remained loyal and calm, and for what it’s worth, no matter the depth of despair that they might have felt in trying as best they could to resolve my issues, they were not doing me a favour, it’s part of the 5 year contract, if its fu..ed, they fix it, it’s called obligation, not favour..

    They never fixed it… I was shirked off after an untold amount of time being told that the noise it makes is now considered standard.. John, the service manager (pseudonym) does that when his back is to a wall, the shirk off thing, it pisses me off, badly, like really really frikking annoys me, because that means that you are taking me for granted, or classifying me an idiot, which while I might have some issues, I am no idiot, but then hey, who am I but a mere annoying pimple on the arse of a giant somewhere between Alberton and Sandton right…

    His statement of “acceptable standard” makes me laugh though as they sure as hell accepted and attempted the repair by changing literally everything (I’m repeating myself here) that spins, so the little pip residing beetle must have pulled a lever in the collective Landrover technical team brain, because lets be serious, who the f..k is going to fork out that kind of money undertaking a repair that is not necessary since the symptom is not a symptom but a functional norm…

    Around the 38 or 39K mark I returned to them, swallowed my pride and stupidly (yes, I am prone to be stupid from time to time) ignoring the fact that the initial rumble in the jungle repair still rumbled in the jungle, took it upon myself to explain to the self-same John (Pseudonym) that now the transfer case clunks, and thumps, and chatters, and groans. This only happens in a sharp turn, from standstill.

    However, what I did do, is research the symptom, as neither my 302SC or 322SC did the same thing, despite both having had much much much higher mileages...

    Turns out there is a LR technical bulletin out there (I have the copy) to do with this very symptom, got to do with the transfer case fluid and clutches in the case binding etc etc...

    The simple solution to all this is a fluid double flush, plus the upload of some mystical mystery LR software, ‘cause goodness knows if you do not include that software the vehicle will implode, whilst you are on the N1 trying to prove to a nation that she gets to 225…

    “Yes”, agreed John (Pseudonym), you are quite correct, in fact we at branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton employ a Tecchie (not being derogatory here, I’m also a Tecchie..) whose sole purpose is to take care of these faults, often we take it up a level and change clutch packs as well if so required….

    So I guess, possibly mistaken though, that this fault is a hell of a lot more common than what is imagined, since they employ the Tecchie for the sole purpose thereof…….

    So, book her in, somewhere around March last year… Go back 3 or 5 days later (memory is vague at my age...) to collect the fattie, now sporting a brand brand brand new transfer case, not reconditioned mind you, brand new, no double oil flush in the original box, brand new...!!

    “Why??” I asked..

    ‘Cause it’s easier and under warranty...

    Jeez, imagine that, changing a transfer case is easier than a double flush and arbitrary data upload..., anyway, who am I to complain about how JLR chooses to burn Her Majesty’s money

    ————————————-


    That was March / April last year

    June 2019 the vehicle falls out of her 5-year plan...

    July / August vehicle calls for service, time mind you, not mileage, sh1t she barely had 40K on her, if that…

    So I change oil, oil filters, air filters… me, not branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton, me, and by the way thanks again MikeBob for your kind sponsorship, it is not forgotten!!

    Fast forward January 2020, and the transfer case clunk returns, first not much, by end January she was literally dragging her arse around every tight turn.

    So off I go to LR branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton, on a Saturday mind you, only to find Marcy (pseudonym) the service client liaison officer willing to help...

    I explained the scenario, naturally concerned, to which I was informed that JLR might be willing to help as the transfer case is only 8 or 9 months old, even though the vehicle is out of the 5 year plan, “however”’ she states in a questioning way, “You were supposed to have a service done with us on the vehicle in July – one month after the end of the plan, why did you miss it..??”

    “Actually did not miss it”, I said, “I did however do it all myself, she was out of warrantee and I was technically not obligated to return to you”

    “Well then we cannot help” she replied respectfully...

    “Why?” I asked, “The known transfer case issue has jack to do with the fact that engine oil and filters were changed, jack...”

    “Ya but It’s one car..”

    “That’s like my wife going to the fanny doctor to complain about her failed tooth repair”, I state, “despite the doctor arguing that he had jack to do with her tooth, your reply is equivalent to her telling the fanny doctor, but it’s one body….” (in a roundabout kind of way)

    There was a moments silence….

    “look”, she said, “come back in the new week and have a chat with John the service manager…”

    “Cool”, I reply, and off I went…

    Bet you all know where this is going right, I mean if you made it this far, you might as well read on...

    New week Monday, John says, “no problem, bring her in Wednesday and I’ll see what I can do...”

    Wednesday take her in, dealing with the same Marcy, perfectly professional as one would expect.

    And then the dreaded almost expected silence of the lambs…

    Come Friday afternoon, late, I call and chat to Marcy, “so where the hell is my car?” I ask....

    “look”, she said, “We tried, but there is no way around the non-service issue, sorry, genuine..”

    “So what is the next step?”, I ask

    “So the transfer case needs replacing..

    “Again”, I say, that must be an all time record..

    “Yes” Marcy replies, “and that including 8 bolts excluding labour is R100K..”

    “100K..??”, I repeat, “that’s 2 transfer cases in 9 months, maybe 10 months at a stretch….., 100K??”

    “Yes”, she replied again, “100k…”

    Think about this folks, that’s a 1 with 5 zero’s, R100 000.00, read that, that’s a shedload of somethings, anythings, whateverthings...
    Now that might not be much if you are Zuma or a paid member of his 225 735 strong band of thieves clan, me, I’m really a pretty ordinary bloke, and those 5 zeros count..!!

    “Is my car in one piece”, I ask

    “Yes”, she replies…

    “Cool”, I say, “Leave her be, I’m on the way to fetch her….”

    “But she’s not washed yet”, she replies…

    “No issues there”, I say, “please leave her be”, fearing the wash might land up costing me R2K…

    Get to the dealer branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton Friday afternoon late, it was relatively quiet, John (pseudonym) was attached to his phone, Marcy (pseudonym) beckoned me on sheepishly..

    “I’m sorry”, she stated, “We really did try, but that service thing just got in the way..”

    “Yep”, I say, not wanting to repeat the fanny doctor thing, “However I do not really believe you, you see”, I reply to her obvious surprise / concern / Landrover client Liaison officer possibly fake reaction..

    “The way I see it”, I continued, “Is that you did jack on the car, maybe even less than jack, in fact in all probability your service manager John (pseudonym) probably told you to call me with some arbitrary inflated figure after you ran to him to question what to do next, in order that I just turn around and walk away, and if that is the case it really really annoys me, but of course, it’s all assumption on my part and I will never be able to prove that will I?”

    “I’m really sorry”, she replied..

    “So then that’s it?”, I ask, “Nothing more?”

    “Nope”, she confirms, “That’s pretty much it…”

    “Do I owe you anything for this?”, I ask..

    “Nope”, she replied.. “you are welcome to leave with the vehicle now if you wish, will you need a pass out card??”..

    “Just one question please before I leave if I may”, I ask quietly. “What about the JLR technical bulletin for a double flush on the box, that’s all they ever mentioned you should do, nothing more nothing less, my question to you positioned with all due respect and not being an arse here, why did you or John not even offer me that solution, I mean, you had that option didn’t you, its not like you ‘have’ to change the transfer case, in all reality that was the last and most ridiculous option, the first option was to follow your JLR technical bulletin, which I reminded you of at the very beginning of this little adventure, so you did have another immediate option at your disposal, which all things considered, I would have gladly paid for, since you seemingly had her on a lift already, why did you not offer me that option??..”

    She minced on that for a while, and then replied, “Sir, I hear you, and this time I honestly have no words, I have no answer for you, there’s nothing more I can add to that..”

    How’s that for a reply good people, service level 101 breached, I remember reading a thread a few days back about our shocking service levels and rate of call returns, tell me this does not fit the bill…

    “Thank you for your help” I said respectfully, and left, knocking gently on Johns office window wall panel whilst exiting, he still clutching his phone, offering him a thumbs up in thanks for his efforts, I guess I‘m still old school and I do pay respect..

    Now look, I’m no genius, but transfer cases are just not such complex pieces of kit in my eyes, hell I virtually redesigned my entire ’76 Jeep quadratrac transfer case, the original transfer case mind you, which for what it’s worth holds the title of the world’s first all-aluminium, chain driven, permanent 4wd with centre diff and torsen (similar) style limited slip functionality (Borg Warner..), I could write a book on that case, not to mention the Dana cases I have worked on and modified quite extensively, still all functional, it’s really all meccano ultimately…

    The fatties transfer case is just another chain driven (chain = front only) permanent 4wd transfer case with electronic locking centre diff, the diff being controlled through clutchplates such that they can engage & lock in an instant, while rotating, without having to stop or slow down etc etc etc. They are clutchplates, made of clutch plate stuff, not some form of exclusive product available only to the secret locked and fed through a window technical dept of the JLR transfer case team…

    Yes, I understand that the functionality of those plates might shift through different states of “applied pressure” such that the fatties clever all terrain control system functions as it should, but I’m sceptical in that regard for now, personally I believe It’s either open, or locked, nothing more..

    So what to do, what to do, what to do.…??...

    That was Friday 2 weeks back.. Saturday I go and purchase Land Rover transfer case fluid made of Sperm whale sap and compressed Beeno’s, I describe it as that because if you have smelt the sh1t, you would agree…

    Fattie takes 1,5 litres, I purchase 3 litres, yep double flush maths… 3 litres came to give or take R1 680, including vat…

    Jacked the suspension to max height, ice cream tub under the belly of the beast, cracked open the drain nut-bolt thing and watched the stinky stuff leave the dormitory.. 3 minutes to get to that stage I think, maximum…

    Replaced the drain plug, removed the filler plug and pumped the fresh sperm whale / beenos sap into the inlet, 1,5 litres, probably 3 minutes as well..

    Specs say drive the vehicle for 10 minutes and then repeat the drain – fill thing…

    Thought I’d give it a little more time to make use of the fresh fluid so drove for three days on the first replacement fluid… nothing, like nothing, not a pop, not a groan, not a grunt, not a drag, not a thump….

    3 days later I replaced the fluid for the 2nd refill, and yes, its whisper quiet and smooth..

    Now look, I have no doubt that now that I have written this short story, my transfercase will implode in another 2 weeks time, and if that happens, I will take pics and post, however, for now I will let sleeping Sperm whales lie..

    Have since then chatted to a good mate who has a M3 amongst his arsenal, surprisingly he mentioned the exact thing happens on the limited slip diff on that specific model, when it does you don’t replace the diff, you simply change the BMW Sperm whale oil and drive on until next time.. I mean, Would you believe it, think about how many M3 limited slip differential factories around the world are going bust....

    More research revealed that a fellow in the UK on one of the popular Fattie websites simply replaces the oil on a yearly basis, it’s just not worth being bothered about it, just do it and be done…

    So there you have it.. R100k, R1,6k, bet if the damn thing pukes Ill get it all repaired on my workbench for less than R10k, including a chain for R3k..

    That’s crap service Landrover, like really really crap. Quite frankly, I deserved better, not free, but better, which you were able to provide if you just tried a little harder. Your lack of compassion shines through as arrogant, and I fear this will stand you in poor stead in years to come.

    That day, in my heart, I was truly saddened to have flown your flag, been your customer and supporter of your product..

    Yours truly – A pimple on the arse of a giant, somewhere between Alberton and Sandton..
    Last edited by Marcochezzi; 2020/02/08 at 05:22 AM.
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Marcochezzi For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Jip, LR sells not because of their dealers, but despite of them

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Not what they used to be?

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading that, logic and reasoning.

    Thank you, from another pimple on the arse of a corporate longdrop enthusiast (the toilet variety with a bottom on both ends).

  6. #5
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Nicely done.

    So lr just lost out on labour, additional markup on the oil, customer satisfaction, all because of attitude/s. Wonder what the dp would say about turning work away.....

    That UK Forum do they mention what the software upgrade does and can you diy.

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    That was very well written, it made me a little sad though. I think I am too emotionally invested in JLR and even though I don't currently own one, I expected more from them. It's like when a Landy driver acts like a box in traffic and you are disappointed because you expect more from them. You expect better.

    I'm glad you came right with a solution in the end though.

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by Chopped View Post
    That was very well written, it made me a little sad though. I think I am too emotionally invested in JLR and even though I don't currently own one, I expected more from them. It's like when a Landy driver acts like a box in traffic and you are disappointed because you expect more from them. You expect better.

    I'm glad you came right with a solution in the end though.
    Thanks Chopped, but letís not count our chickens before the hens get laid, it might still be a short lived solution...
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Brilliant take on this lack of service from LR! They love replacing and hate fixing. Its easier to replace because rhe conveyor belt must turn.
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by HobieDave View Post
    Nicely done.

    So lr just lost out on labour, additional markup on the oil, customer satisfaction, all because of attitude/s. Wonder what the dp would say about turning work away.....

    That UK Forum do they mention what the software upgrade does and can you diy.
    Hobie I doubt the value of this job in terms of oil change only is worth much to LR, but the potential offer thereof as an alternative, considering I reminded them of the technical bulletin, twice, would have gone miles. Hell, considering there is always a possibility that this oil solution is short lived, they could even have indicated their lack of added future responsibility in this regard had they undertaken the service, what option would I have had but to sign and agree...

    The software issue is debatable at present, I simply do not know, however there is indication from some in the (overseas) service field that it does absolutely jack, but that is heresay, I cannot add anything of true value in this regard, actually I’m secretly hoping that mikebob might have come across this scenario himself and might just chip in..
    Last edited by Marcochezzi; 2020/02/06 at 11:06 PM.
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by ChasingSunsets View Post
    I thoroughly enjoyed reading that, logic and reasoning.

    Thank you, from another pimple on the arse of a corporate longdrop enthusiast (the toilet variety with a bottom on both ends).

    Glad you enjoyed a few lines of my scribble...
    Last edited by Marcochezzi; 2020/02/06 at 11:06 PM.
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by Shade View Post
    Brilliant take on this lack of service from LR! They love replacing and hate fixing. Its easier to replace because rhe conveyor belt must turn.
    Yes, I fear you are probably right, the Wednesday morning I dropped my Fattie off at the dealer I was honestly shocked to see the quantity of vehicles there, there for whatever reasons, truly overwhelming, and it honestly cannot be an easy task to manage..
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    It's not just LR, it's every manufacturer and anybody younger than 40! Seems like people don't know how to fix anything anymore.

    That includes dishwashers, stoves, fridges and cars..

    I told a kid ( he is 33, has 2 degrees) the other day he should change his own car oil... He was amazed that I could do an oil change, said I was old, because only old people learnt skills like that..

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    How many people have had to cough up R100k plus to replace a gearbox / engine / transfer case etc just because a stealer wants to rip them off with a replacement rather than a repair.Lazy sods.
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by NewLandy View Post
    It's not just LR, it's every manufacturer and anybody younger than 40! Seems like people don't know how to fix anything anymore.

    That includes dishwashers, stoves, fridges and cars..

    I told a kid ( he is 33, has 2 degrees) the other day he should change his own car oil... He was amazed that I could do an oil change, said I was old, because only old people learnt skills like that..

    Hogwash, age has nothing to do with it. Referring to an adult as "kid" because he does not know how to change his own oil is..... Perhaps treat him as the adult he is, he may surprise you, I say may.
    Last edited by ChasingSunsets; 2020/02/06 at 11:06 PM.

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by NewLandy View Post
    It's not just LR, it's every manufacturer and anybody younger than 40! Seems like people don't know how to fix anything anymore.

    That includes dishwashers, stoves, fridges and cars..

    I told a kid ( he is 33, has 2 degrees) the other day he should change his own car oil... He was amazed that I could do an oil change, said I was old, because only old people learnt skills like that..
    Itís a throwaway society, I swear cars will eventually fall in the same bracket.. I have two very young sons, 10 & 14, I truly hope the good Lord gives me the time to teach them what it means to get theirs hands dirty..!!
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Marco, I am telling you, there should be a rule that people like you ought to post at least every day, just to lighten everyone's mood with your wits and sense of humour.

    I was reading your post while sitting on the loo, Donald style, and such was the laughter and mirth that swambo barged in thinking (hoping?) that I was choking to death...

    Your fattie, sitting at 40K, honestly...you should be be the bain of speed cops and teenegers in Golf GTIs , terrorizing the whole of Gauteng, burning rubber to the sound of the V...and Metallica.

    Instead you have to deal with John and his management course speech...

    If it wasn't that, through my own stupidity and carelessness, I wrecked a transfer case in Moz, I would't even know what those things look like. And neither should you...and I drive 20 yrs plus old jap crap.

    My feeling is that someone in Birmingham is carrying out sub-optimal work and still making folks pay optimal premium prices.

    Ciao

    PS: I forgot to say, any car built after 2002 is made out cheese
    Last edited by tashtego9; 2020/02/07 at 07:15 AM.

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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by Shade View Post
    Brilliant take on this lack of service from LR! They love replacing and hate fixing. Its easier to replace because rhe conveyor belt must turn.
    Enjoyed it very much....If I had that writing skill my birthday venture with Swambo and grand child clustered in a roll back through Swaziland would have made for a nice farewell story to my Land Rover.

    Pity, there is no more "mechanics" but only "new part fitters"....!
    and even then you are not sure if the ''New part" is new and or fitted correctly

    That is why my beloved Disco 3 is scrapped...No more 100 K surprises
    Such a fantastic vehicle.....
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Oh you can write a good yarn

    I remember the thread about your previous LR
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    I really enjoyed reading your "story". Commendable that you could use humour through your obvious annoyance. And, yes, I share your disappointment with JLR Somewhere Between Alberton and Sandton
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by tashtego9 View Post
    Marco, I am telling you, there should be a rule that people like you ought to post at least every day, just to lighten everyone's mood with your wits and sense of humour.

    I was reading your post while sitting on the loo, Donald style, and such was the laughter and mirth that swambo barged in thinking (hoping?) that I was choking to death...

    Your fattie, sitting at 40K, honestly...you should be be the bain of speed cops and teenegers in Golf GTIs , terrorizing the whole of Gauteng, burning rubber to the sound of the V...and Metallica.

    Instead you have to deal with John and his management course speech...

    If it wasn't that, through my own stupidity and carelessness, I wrecked a transfer case in Moz, I would't even know what those things look like. And neither should you...and I drive 20 yrs plus old jap crap.

    My feeling is that someone in Birmingham is carrying out sub-optimal work and still making folks pay optimal premium prices.

    Ciao

    PS: I forgot to say, any car built after 2002 is made out cheese
    so I guess I'm not alone in going to the slapper with my ipad, really annoys me though when I forget the reading glasses..
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

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