Landrover - you have truly saddened me.. - Page 6





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  1. #101
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    You know how to work on Jeeps, But drive a Range Rover?!

    You own a Range Rover OUT OF WARRANTY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

    Jokes aside mate, its not just JLR, almost all dealers are like that, we dont call them stealers for nothing.
    She was doing her job, which is to get as much money out of you as possible.

    Please get that Fattie under some sort of warranty and find a good Indy ASAP.
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  2. #102
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by Estee View Post
    I have owned 1 too many for too long. I get Marco's point though, subscribed to it my self, I understand that LR's are imbued with a spirit, as if they are almost human and individually so. I understand that one day it is as temperamental and sluggish as a mule and then the next day, as sprightly as a thoroughbred, without rhyme or reason.

    I get all of that. I get that the older ones you can smell from a few feet like a greatly loved spinster aunt, and that Range Rovers exude an interior oudour that you wish could be bottled as Eau De Cologne. I get all of that. I get that it was LR that put the Camel Trophy on the map, it was RR than was the first vehicle to cross the Darien Gap, that my P38 came with no less than 5 Royal Warrants, this is all understood.

    But to truly appreciate today's offerings you need to first understand the British. Machines like time, the 5 day working week, paid leave, the international date line were all invented by the Brits. They make things in their garden sheds (Lotus, TVR, Jaguar), they like to tinker and fettle. They also like to rapidly get things to market, thats why you always have vehicles with a Mk I, MK II, MK III etc, each an improvement over the previous cockitups. They make vehicles for people that like to tinker and fettle, it was a great philosophy in an age when people liked to tinker and fettle but a very poor one in todays age of complex systems where poor design and assembly harken back to the bad old days of a nationalised British Auto Industry. They have a history of being unprepared and ill equiped (even their military who have always been forced to make rapid improvement during conflicts) and yet have a knack of turning tragedy into heroic folklore.

    I would never in a million years take on an LR dealership, I wouldnt be able to look any of you in the eye. (An Independent Workshop would be more attractive as I would be guaranteed a continuous stream of work though). I feel sorry for many of the Technical Department guys, they are the grist between two mill stones, the customer on one side and LR in denial on the other. How on Earth's name can you resolve any issue under those circumstances is beyond me.

    So, I am not brand bashing, I still ''get'' LR. I just wont own one that was built after 2000. Not because they are more unreliable than pre 2000 but because one can tinker and fettle with them without having to interact with the LR setup.

    I also get what Mick is saying, LR is a cult brand with cult products and if LR never advertised again they would still sell 1000s of them, thats how I interpret his post.
    Yep, spot on, you’ve walked the walk, and I respect that... P38, still makes me shiver when I see one, awesome, problematic yes, but awesome, especially when she was launched, there just simply was nothing to compare...
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

  3. #103
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    So yes, the story continues, no not the transfercase thump thing, the JLR dealer somewhere between Albeton & Sandton, their grubby paws leaving a mark from professional services rendered..., I guess I should have expected that...

    My life has been a little upside down the last 6 months or so, I sold my old 2nd hand home and bought a new 2nd hand home, and did the physical move myself, sold my office property and relocated everything, myself, which was relatively ok, until Telkom came along with their magical 'lets f**ck things up' wand which in all reality I guess I should have expected...

    So what I am trying to say in a roundabout way is that things have been busy, not even sure if I've had an opportunity to see all of my 2nd hand home as yet.. let alone climb under the fattie to inspect things proper..

    So the weekend came and I decided to drive her up on the ramps, and take a good solid look at what is what...

    I guess I should have expected things....

    Right hand control arm with steering ball joint - stuffed, torn all the way around, not just a little tear..... Same dealer replaced the right front sideshaft, twice.. Now I'm all to aware of crying wolfie wolfie too soon, but as far as I know, that joint comes out in order to remove the sideshaft, so in my eyes, guess who is the responsible party...

    Spot the left - still good..
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    Last edited by Marcochezzi; 2020/02/17 at 09:17 AM.
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

  4. #104
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Underbelly protection, take note how badly I have damaged, dented and scratched that plate, now you get an idea of how hard a life she has had with me..

    So there are two plates, one covers the enginy bits and bobs, the back one covers the gearbox & transfercase, 1 bolt holding that transfercase cover plate in place missing, 2 of the captive nuts on the subframe stripped, completely.. How that plate stayed up there is beyond me... used some longer bolts with locknuts positioned on top of the stripped captive nuts, difficult difficult difficult process, maybe 2 minutes, and I didn't even break out any powertools...

    Guess who removed that plate to get to the transfercase & front spinny bits..
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    Last edited by Marcochezzi; 2020/02/17 at 09:18 AM.
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

  5. #105
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    See that cable with the silvery heatshield on it, thank the good Lord for that heatshield cloth which covers the electrical connector, that cable was resting on top of the exhaust, the clip which is supposed to hold it to the fixture plate broken.. I cable tied it back in place...

    Guess who removed that cable in order to get to the spinny bits...

    I know I know I know, kinda childish ne?, imagine if it was one of their "better" more upmarket vehicles, thank goodness mine is a cheapie so care is really an afterthought, not a requirement..
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    Last edited by Marcochezzi; 2020/02/17 at 11:37 AM.
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

  6. #106
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Then just because I was under there, I happen to push on the rear half of the exhaust, just cause' that's the thing you do when you are under a fattie looking at all the spinny bits, damn thing almost fell off.. Those two fat clamps you see there, yes they were tight, like as in the nuts wont come off tight, but they were not physically clamped down, the pipes which are a slide fit were completely loose, you can see the exhaust carbon buildup at the junction point, again, hell of a complex job to secure those down, properly...
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    Last edited by Marcochezzi; 2020/02/17 at 08:38 AM.
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

  7. #107
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Ok, so this is a proper bitch session, I'm disgusted by what I saw here, its inexcusable that a dealer can do this sort of crap, like really inexcusable, pathetic is an understatement, they do not deserve our support, sincerely..
    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

  8. #108
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Just in closing, this has absolutely nothing to do with the dealer, just can't quite make sense of this so possibly if someone who has felt the force and seen the light can explain this I will be all ears...

    So at the point where the left exhaust bank turns under the transfercase, JLR have positioned this steel plate which I can only image in a heatshield of sort. That plate is made of two halves, which are welded to each other, so it cannot fall off, however it is a very loose fit, and rattles around like its no-ones business, and makes itself considerably heard, especially as you pull away.. I cannot see that that plate was attached to the exhaust pipe in any way (broken spot welds etc etc) so I placed two small pipe clamps there in the meantime just to hold her still..

    Anyone seen this on their fatties, D4 V8's etc etc, is your nice and tight or does it rattle around, so to say...
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    Every dog has its day, and those with broken tails have their weak-ends...

    1976 CJ-7, 400CI + Holley EFI, Tera-Low 3,15:1 twin stick, ARB's front & rear, oil leaks & plenty more....

    All my other petrol burners are boring....

  9. #109
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by Marcochezzi View Post
    Landrover – honestly, I expected just a little more from you…

    A short story, because I like telling stories, and since you are here, I guess you like reading them...

    So while this is not intended as a bitch session, it might actually well be, not that I expect that Landrover SA will ever give a flying toss, however in some small way I hope this letter finds its way to John (Pseudonym), the service manager at Landrover branchname Somewhere in Gauteng, between Alberton And Sandton, and to his client liaison officer Marcy (not really sure if this is the correct job title.. but what the hell, we’ll use it, and for the sake of anonymity, another pseudonym)

    Pseudonyms are being used here, since I do not want to get into a legal battle with Her Majesty’s finest, but heck, John, if you read this, you know who you are, and just somehow, I think you will...

    So, my 2014 RR SC 405 Fattie, damn..., heck of a vehicle, genuine, like I smile every time I use it... She makes me feel good in a manly kind of way, and please, genuinely, please don’t pass comment that the fattie is compensation for a small nana or some crap like that, because quite honestly the only one who would know if that is true or false is my wife (and ok quite possibly also my GP since he has worked on some tubes down there..), and my wife sure as hell won’t tell you if it’s true, then no sense going further right, I mean if it is true, well, I guess I would not know better as I still have all the fun, with the long or the short of it so to say……

    Anyway, I digress, however my driving smile became a bit of a grimace a few weeks back...

    Let’s picture the scene since inception... somewhere around the 31K mark I noted a rather annoying rumble on this vehicle, only apparent around 120-140kph, mostly on deceleration, irrespective whether in neutral or in gear.
    LR Branch Somewhere Between Alberton and Sandton changed literally everything that spun under her, short of the motor and gearbox, took ages, as these things do, but I remained loyal and calm, and for what it’s worth, no matter the depth of despair that they might have felt in trying as best they could to resolve my issues, they were not doing me a favour, it’s part of the 5 year contract, if its fu..ed, they fix it, it’s called obligation, not favour..

    They never fixed it… I was shirked off after an untold amount of time being told that the noise it makes is now considered standard.. John, the service manager (pseudonym) does that when his back is to a wall, the shirk off thing, it pisses me off, badly, like really really frikking annoys me, because that means that you are taking me for granted, or classifying me an idiot, which while I might have some issues, I am no idiot, but then hey, who am I but a mere annoying pimple on the arse of a giant somewhere between Alberton and Sandton right…

    His statement of “acceptable standard” makes me laugh though as they sure as hell accepted and attempted the repair by changing literally everything (I’m repeating myself here) that spins, so the little pip residing beetle must have pulled a lever in the collective Landrover technical team brain, because lets be serious, who the f..k is going to fork out that kind of money undertaking a repair that is not necessary since the symptom is not a symptom but a functional norm…

    Around the 38 or 39K mark I returned to them, swallowed my pride and stupidly (yes, I am prone to be stupid from time to time) ignoring the fact that the initial rumble in the jungle repair still rumbled in the jungle, took it upon myself to explain to the self-same John (Pseudonym) that now the transfer case clunks, and thumps, and chatters, and groans. This only happens in a sharp turn, from standstill.

    However, what I did do, is research the symptom, as neither my 302SC or 322SC did the same thing, despite both having had much much much higher mileages...

    Turns out there is a LR technical bulletin out there (I have the copy) to do with this very symptom, got to do with the transfer case fluid and clutches in the case binding etc etc...

    The simple solution to all this is a fluid double flush, plus the upload of some mystical mystery LR software, ‘cause goodness knows if you do not include that software the vehicle will implode, whilst you are on the N1 trying to prove to a nation that she gets to 225…

    “Yes”, agreed John (Pseudonym), you are quite correct, in fact we at branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton employ a Tecchie (not being derogatory here, I’m also a Tecchie..) whose sole purpose is to take care of these faults, often we take it up a level and change clutch packs as well if so required….

    So I guess, possibly mistaken though, that this fault is a hell of a lot more common than what is imagined, since they employ the Tecchie for the sole purpose thereof…….

    So, book her in, somewhere around March last year… Go back 3 or 5 days later (memory is vague at my age...) to collect the fattie, now sporting a brand brand brand new transfer case, not reconditioned mind you, brand new, no double oil flush in the original box, brand new...!!

    “Why??” I asked..

    ‘Cause it’s easier and under warranty...

    Jeez, imagine that, changing a transfer case is easier than a double flush and arbitrary data upload..., anyway, who am I to complain about how JLR chooses to burn Her Majesty’s money

    ————————————-


    That was March / April last year

    June 2019 the vehicle falls out of her 5-year plan...

    July / August vehicle calls for service, time mind you, not mileage, sh1t she barely had 40K on her, if that…

    So I change oil, oil filters, air filters… me, not branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton, me, and by the way thanks again MikeBob for your kind sponsorship, it is not forgotten!!

    Fast forward January 2020, and the transfer case clunk returns, first not much, by end January she was literally dragging her arse around every tight turn.

    So off I go to LR branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton, on a Saturday mind you, only to find Marcy (pseudonym) the service client liaison officer willing to help...

    I explained the scenario, naturally concerned, to which I was informed that JLR might be willing to help as the transfer case is only 8 or 9 months old, even though the vehicle is out of the 5 year plan, “however”’ she states in a questioning way, “You were supposed to have a service done with us on the vehicle in July – one month after the end of the plan, why did you miss it..??”

    “Actually did not miss it”, I said, “I did however do it all myself, she was out of warrantee and I was technically not obligated to return to you”

    “Well then we cannot help” she replied respectfully...

    “Why?” I asked, “The known transfer case issue has jack to do with the fact that engine oil and filters were changed, jack...”

    “Ya but It’s one car..”

    “That’s like my wife going to the fanny doctor to complain about her failed tooth repair”, I state, “despite the doctor arguing that he had jack to do with her tooth, your reply is equivalent to her telling the fanny doctor, but it’s one body….” (in a roundabout kind of way)

    There was a moments silence….

    “look”, she said, “come back in the new week and have a chat with John the service manager…”

    “Cool”, I reply, and off I went…

    Bet you all know where this is going right, I mean if you made it this far, you might as well read on...

    New week Monday, John says, “no problem, bring her in Wednesday and I’ll see what I can do...”

    Wednesday take her in, dealing with the same Marcy, perfectly professional as one would expect.

    And then the dreaded almost expected silence of the lambs…

    Come Friday afternoon, late, I call and chat to Marcy, “so where the hell is my car?” I ask....

    “look”, she said, “We tried, but there is no way around the non-service issue, sorry, genuine..”

    “So what is the next step?”, I ask

    “So the transfer case needs replacing..

    “Again”, I say, that must be an all time record..

    “Yes” Marcy replies, “and that including 8 bolts excluding labour is R100K..”

    “100K..??”, I repeat, “that’s 2 transfer cases in 9 months, maybe 10 months at a stretch….., 100K??”

    “Yes”, she replied again, “100k…”

    Think about this folks, that’s a 1 with 5 zero’s, R100 000.00, read that, that’s a shedload of somethings, anythings, whateverthings...
    Now that might not be much if you are Zuma or a paid member of his 225 735 strong band of thieves clan, me, I’m really a pretty ordinary bloke, and those 5 zeros count..!!

    “Is my car in one piece”, I ask

    “Yes”, she replies…

    “Cool”, I say, “Leave her be, I’m on the way to fetch her….”

    “But she’s not washed yet”, she replies…

    “No issues there”, I say, “please leave her be”, fearing the wash might land up costing me R2K…

    Get to the dealer branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton Friday afternoon late, it was relatively quiet, John (pseudonym) was attached to his phone, Marcy (pseudonym) beckoned me on sheepishly..

    “I’m sorry”, she stated, “We really did try, but that service thing just got in the way..”

    “Yep”, I say, not wanting to repeat the fanny doctor thing, “However I do not really believe you, you see”, I reply to her obvious surprise / concern / Landrover client Liaison officer possibly fake reaction..

    “The way I see it”, I continued, “Is that you did jack on the car, maybe even less than jack, in fact in all probability your service manager John (pseudonym) probably told you to call me with some arbitrary inflated figure after you ran to him to question what to do next, in order that I just turn around and walk away, and if that is the case it really really annoys me, but of course, it’s all assumption on my part and I will never be able to prove that will I?”

    “I’m really sorry”, she replied..

    “So then that’s it?”, I ask, “Nothing more?”

    “Nope”, she confirms, “That’s pretty much it…”

    “Do I owe you anything for this?”, I ask..

    “Nope”, she replied.. “you are welcome to leave with the vehicle now if you wish, will you need a pass out card??”..

    “Just one question please before I leave if I may”, I ask quietly. “What about the JLR technical bulletin for a double flush on the box, that’s all they ever mentioned you should do, nothing more nothing less, my question to you positioned with all due respect and not being an arse here, why did you or John not even offer me that solution, I mean, you had that option didn’t you, its not like you ‘have’ to change the transfer case, in all reality that was the last and most ridiculous option, the first option was to follow your JLR technical bulletin, which I reminded you of at the very beginning of this little adventure, so you did have another immediate option at your disposal, which all things considered, I would have gladly paid for, since you seemingly had her on a lift already, why did you not offer me that option??..”

    She minced on that for a while, and then replied, “Sir, I hear you, and this time I honestly have no words, I have no answer for you, there’s nothing more I can add to that..”

    How’s that for a reply good people, service level 101 breached, I remember reading a thread a few days back about our shocking service levels and rate of call returns, tell me this does not fit the bill…

    “Thank you for your help” I said respectfully, and left, knocking gently on Johns office window wall panel whilst exiting, he still clutching his phone, offering him a thumbs up in thanks for his efforts, I guess I‘m still old school and I do pay respect..

    Now look, I’m no genius, but transfer cases are just not such complex pieces of kit in my eyes, hell I virtually redesigned my entire ’76 Jeep quadratrac transfer case, the original transfer case mind you, which for what it’s worth holds the title of the world’s first all-aluminium, chain driven, permanent 4wd with centre diff and torsen (similar) style limited slip functionality (Borg Warner..), I could write a book on that case, not to mention the Dana cases I have worked on and modified quite extensively, still all functional, it’s really all meccano ultimately…

    The fatties transfer case is just another chain driven (chain = front only) permanent 4wd transfer case with electronic locking centre diff, the diff being controlled through clutchplates such that they can engage & lock in an instant, while rotating, without having to stop or slow down etc etc etc. They are clutchplates, made of clutch plate stuff, not some form of exclusive product available only to the secret locked and fed through a window technical dept of the JLR transfer case team…

    Yes, I understand that the functionality of those plates might shift through different states of “applied pressure” such that the fatties clever all terrain control system functions as it should, but I’m sceptical in that regard for now, personally I believe It’s either open, or locked, nothing more..

    So what to do, what to do, what to do.…??...

    That was Friday 2 weeks back.. Saturday I go and purchase Land Rover transfer case fluid made of Sperm whale sap and compressed Beeno’s, I describe it as that because if you have smelt the sh1t, you would agree…

    Fattie takes 1,5 litres, I purchase 3 litres, yep double flush maths… 3 litres came to give or take R1 680, including vat…

    Jacked the suspension to max height, ice cream tub under the belly of the beast, cracked open the drain nut-bolt thing and watched the stinky stuff leave the dormitory.. 3 minutes to get to that stage I think, maximum…

    Replaced the drain plug, removed the filler plug and pumped the fresh sperm whale / beenos sap into the inlet, 1,5 litres, probably 3 minutes as well..

    Specs say drive the vehicle for 10 minutes and then repeat the drain – fill thing…

    Thought I’d give it a little more time to make use of the fresh fluid so drove for three days on the first replacement fluid… nothing, like nothing, not a pop, not a groan, not a grunt, not a drag, not a thump….

    3 days later I replaced the fluid for the 2nd refill, and yes, its whisper quiet and smooth..

    Now look, I have no doubt that now that I have written this short story, my transfercase will implode in another 2 weeks time, and if that happens, I will take pics and post, however, for now I will let sleeping Sperm whales lie..

    Have since then chatted to a good mate who has a M3 amongst his arsenal, surprisingly he mentioned the exact thing happens on the limited slip diff on that specific model, when it does you don’t replace the diff, you simply change the BMW Sperm whale oil and drive on until next time.. I mean, Would you believe it, think about how many M3 limited slip differential factories around the world are going bust....

    More research revealed that a fellow in the UK on one of the popular Fattie websites simply replaces the oil on a yearly basis, it’s just not worth being bothered about it, just do it and be done…

    So there you have it.. R100k, R1,6k, bet if the damn thing pukes Ill get it all repaired on my workbench for less than R10k, including a chain for R3k..

    That’s crap service Landrover, like really really crap. Quite frankly, I deserved better, not free, but better, which you were able to provide if you just tried a little harder. Your lack of compassion shines through as arrogant, and I fear this will stand you in poor stead in years to come.

    That day, in my heart, I was truly saddened to have flown your flag, been your customer and supporter of your product..

    Yours truly – A pimple on the arse of a giant, somewhere between Alberton and Sandton..
    Hi,
    Seems I'm being a bit cheeky here but. I recently bought a 2nd. hand Evoque. Nice to drive with lots of toys but, a feww weeks into having it a number of things, particularly electronic, went wrong and it cost a bomb to repair. I went to a few independant shops to see what I could get by way of a better price. In the majority of cases I was told that I was an ass for buying a shiite quality car like this. And so the concensus over here is to simply stay away from Land Rover because they produce poor products and provide a poor back up service. If you want a decent 4x4 then look to a better brand. and there are quite a few out there. I'm trying to find a buyer for mine now and will then look to something better like Merc, Toyota, BM, etc.

  10. #110
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by Ian.McM View Post
    Not what they used to be?
    Sad but all too true.
    After years of being a land rover diehard - i will now stick to Mitshubishi / ford etc .
    Unless you are a multimillionaire you can no longer afford to have a landrover- as the stealers are just in it for the big bucks

  11. #111
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    Default Re: Landrover - you have truly saddened me..

    Quote Originally Posted by Marcochezzi View Post
    Landrover – honestly, I expected just a little more from you…

    A short story, because I like telling stories, and since you are here, I guess you like reading them...

    So while this is not intended as a bitch session, it might actually well be, not that I expect that Landrover SA will ever give a flying toss, however in some small way I hope this letter finds its way to John (Pseudonym), the service manager at Landrover branchname Somewhere in Gauteng, between Alberton And Sandton, and to his client liaison officer Marcy (not really sure if this is the correct job title.. but what the hell, we’ll use it, and for the sake of anonymity, another pseudonym)

    Pseudonyms are being used here, since I do not want to get into a legal battle with Her Majesty’s finest, but heck, John, if you read this, you know who you are, and just somehow, I think you will...

    So, my 2014 RR SC 405 Fattie, damn..., heck of a vehicle, genuine, like I smile every time I use it... She makes me feel good in a manly kind of way, and please, genuinely, please don’t pass comment that the fattie is compensation for a small nana or some crap like that, because quite honestly the only one who would know if that is true or false is my wife (and ok quite possibly also my GP since he has worked on some tubes down there..), and my wife sure as hell won’t tell you if it’s true, then no sense going further right, I mean if it is true, well, I guess I would not know better as I still have all the fun, with the long or the short of it so to say……

    Anyway, I digress, however my driving smile became a bit of a grimace a few weeks back...

    Let’s picture the scene since inception... somewhere around the 31K mark I noted a rather annoying rumble on this vehicle, only apparent around 120-140kph, mostly on deceleration, irrespective whether in neutral or in gear.
    LR Branch Somewhere Between Alberton and Sandton changed literally everything that spun under her, short of the motor and gearbox, took ages, as these things do, but I remained loyal and calm, and for what it’s worth, no matter the depth of despair that they might have felt in trying as best they could to resolve my issues, they were not doing me a favour, it’s part of the 5 year contract, if its fu..ed, they fix it, it’s called obligation, not favour..

    They never fixed it… I was shirked off after an untold amount of time being told that the noise it makes is now considered standard.. John, the service manager (pseudonym) does that when his back is to a wall, the shirk off thing, it pisses me off, badly, like really really frikking annoys me, because that means that you are taking me for granted, or classifying me an idiot, which while I might have some issues, I am no idiot, but then hey, who am I but a mere annoying pimple on the arse of a giant somewhere between Alberton and Sandton right…

    His statement of “acceptable standard” makes me laugh though as they sure as hell accepted and attempted the repair by changing literally everything (I’m repeating myself here) that spins, so the little pip residing beetle must have pulled a lever in the collective Landrover technical team brain, because lets be serious, who the f..k is going to fork out that kind of money undertaking a repair that is not necessary since the symptom is not a symptom but a functional norm…

    Around the 38 or 39K mark I returned to them, swallowed my pride and stupidly (yes, I am prone to be stupid from time to time) ignoring the fact that the initial rumble in the jungle repair still rumbled in the jungle, took it upon myself to explain to the self-same John (Pseudonym) that now the transfer case clunks, and thumps, and chatters, and groans. This only happens in a sharp turn, from standstill.

    However, what I did do, is research the symptom, as neither my 302SC or 322SC did the same thing, despite both having had much much much higher mileages...

    Turns out there is a LR technical bulletin out there (I have the copy) to do with this very symptom, got to do with the transfer case fluid and clutches in the case binding etc etc...

    The simple solution to all this is a fluid double flush, plus the upload of some mystical mystery LR software, ‘cause goodness knows if you do not include that software the vehicle will implode, whilst you are on the N1 trying to prove to a nation that she gets to 225…

    “Yes”, agreed John (Pseudonym), you are quite correct, in fact we at branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton employ a Tecchie (not being derogatory here, I’m also a Tecchie..) whose sole purpose is to take care of these faults, often we take it up a level and change clutch packs as well if so required….

    So I guess, possibly mistaken though, that this fault is a hell of a lot more common than what is imagined, since they employ the Tecchie for the sole purpose thereof…….

    So, book her in, somewhere around March last year… Go back 3 or 5 days later (memory is vague at my age...) to collect the fattie, now sporting a brand brand brand new transfer case, not reconditioned mind you, brand new, no double oil flush in the original box, brand new...!!

    “Why??” I asked..

    ‘Cause it’s easier and under warranty...

    Jeez, imagine that, changing a transfer case is easier than a double flush and arbitrary data upload..., anyway, who am I to complain about how JLR chooses to burn Her Majesty’s money

    ————————————-


    That was March / April last year

    June 2019 the vehicle falls out of her 5-year plan...

    July / August vehicle calls for service, time mind you, not mileage, sh1t she barely had 40K on her, if that…

    So I change oil, oil filters, air filters… me, not branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton, me, and by the way thanks again MikeBob for your kind sponsorship, it is not forgotten!!

    Fast forward January 2020, and the transfer case clunk returns, first not much, by end January she was literally dragging her arse around every tight turn.

    So off I go to LR branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton, on a Saturday mind you, only to find Marcy (pseudonym) the service client liaison officer willing to help...

    I explained the scenario, naturally concerned, to which I was informed that JLR might be willing to help as the transfer case is only 8 or 9 months old, even though the vehicle is out of the 5 year plan, “however”’ she states in a questioning way, “You were supposed to have a service done with us on the vehicle in July – one month after the end of the plan, why did you miss it..??”

    “Actually did not miss it”, I said, “I did however do it all myself, she was out of warrantee and I was technically not obligated to return to you”

    “Well then we cannot help” she replied respectfully...

    “Why?” I asked, “The known transfer case issue has jack to do with the fact that engine oil and filters were changed, jack...”

    “Ya but It’s one car..”

    “That’s like my wife going to the fanny doctor to complain about her failed tooth repair”, I state, “despite the doctor arguing that he had jack to do with her tooth, your reply is equivalent to her telling the fanny doctor, but it’s one body….” (in a roundabout kind of way)

    There was a moments silence….

    “look”, she said, “come back in the new week and have a chat with John the service manager…”

    “Cool”, I reply, and off I went…

    Bet you all know where this is going right, I mean if you made it this far, you might as well read on...

    New week Monday, John says, “no problem, bring her in Wednesday and I’ll see what I can do...”

    Wednesday take her in, dealing with the same Marcy, perfectly professional as one would expect.

    And then the dreaded almost expected silence of the lambs…

    Come Friday afternoon, late, I call and chat to Marcy, “so where the hell is my car?” I ask....

    “look”, she said, “We tried, but there is no way around the non-service issue, sorry, genuine..”

    “So what is the next step?”, I ask

    “So the transfer case needs replacing..

    “Again”, I say, that must be an all time record..

    “Yes” Marcy replies, “and that including 8 bolts excluding labour is R100K..”

    “100K..??”, I repeat, “that’s 2 transfer cases in 9 months, maybe 10 months at a stretch….., 100K??”

    “Yes”, she replied again, “100k…”

    Think about this folks, that’s a 1 with 5 zero’s, R100 000.00, read that, that’s a shedload of somethings, anythings, whateverthings...
    Now that might not be much if you are Zuma or a paid member of his 225 735 strong band of thieves clan, me, I’m really a pretty ordinary bloke, and those 5 zeros count..!!

    “Is my car in one piece”, I ask

    “Yes”, she replies…

    “Cool”, I say, “Leave her be, I’m on the way to fetch her….”

    “But she’s not washed yet”, she replies…

    “No issues there”, I say, “please leave her be”, fearing the wash might land up costing me R2K…

    Get to the dealer branch Somewhere Between Alberton And Sandton Friday afternoon late, it was relatively quiet, John (pseudonym) was attached to his phone, Marcy (pseudonym) beckoned me on sheepishly..

    “I’m sorry”, she stated, “We really did try, but that service thing just got in the way..”

    “Yep”, I say, not wanting to repeat the fanny doctor thing, “However I do not really believe you, you see”, I reply to her obvious surprise / concern / Landrover client Liaison officer possibly fake reaction..

    “The way I see it”, I continued, “Is that you did jack on the car, maybe even less than jack, in fact in all probability your service manager John (pseudonym) probably told you to call me with some arbitrary inflated figure after you ran to him to question what to do next, in order that I just turn around and walk away, and if that is the case it really really annoys me, but of course, it’s all assumption on my part and I will never be able to prove that will I?”

    “I’m really sorry”, she replied..

    “So then that’s it?”, I ask, “Nothing more?”

    “Nope”, she confirms, “That’s pretty much it…”

    “Do I owe you anything for this?”, I ask..

    “Nope”, she replied.. “you are welcome to leave with the vehicle now if you wish, will you need a pass out card??”..

    “Just one question please before I leave if I may”, I ask quietly. “What about the JLR technical bulletin for a double flush on the box, that’s all they ever mentioned you should do, nothing more nothing less, my question to you positioned with all due respect and not being an arse here, why did you or John not even offer me that solution, I mean, you had that option didn’t you, its not like you ‘have’ to change the transfer case, in all reality that was the last and most ridiculous option, the first option was to follow your JLR technical bulletin, which I reminded you of at the very beginning of this little adventure, so you did have another immediate option at your disposal, which all things considered, I would have gladly paid for, since you seemingly had her on a lift already, why did you not offer me that option??..”

    She minced on that for a while, and then replied, “Sir, I hear you, and this time I honestly have no words, I have no answer for you, there’s nothing more I can add to that..”

    How’s that for a reply good people, service level 101 breached, I remember reading a thread a few days back about our shocking service levels and rate of call returns, tell me this does not fit the bill…

    “Thank you for your help” I said respectfully, and left, knocking gently on Johns office window wall panel whilst exiting, he still clutching his phone, offering him a thumbs up in thanks for his efforts, I guess I‘m still old school and I do pay respect..

    Now look, I’m no genius, but transfer cases are just not such complex pieces of kit in my eyes, hell I virtually redesigned my entire ’76 Jeep quadratrac transfer case, the original transfer case mind you, which for what it’s worth holds the title of the world’s first all-aluminium, chain driven, permanent 4wd with centre diff and torsen (similar) style limited slip functionality (Borg Warner..), I could write a book on that case, not to mention the Dana cases I have worked on and modified quite extensively, still all functional, it’s really all meccano ultimately…

    The fatties transfer case is just another chain driven (chain = front only) permanent 4wd transfer case with electronic locking centre diff, the diff being controlled through clutchplates such that they can engage & lock in an instant, while rotating, without having to stop or slow down etc etc etc. They are clutchplates, made of clutch plate stuff, not some form of exclusive product available only to the secret locked and fed through a window technical dept of the JLR transfer case team…

    Yes, I understand that the functionality of those plates might shift through different states of “applied pressure” such that the fatties clever all terrain control system functions as it should, but I’m sceptical in that regard for now, personally I believe It’s either open, or locked, nothing more..

    So what to do, what to do, what to do.…??...

    That was Friday 2 weeks back.. Saturday I go and purchase Land Rover transfer case fluid made of Sperm whale sap and compressed Beeno’s, I describe it as that because if you have smelt the sh1t, you would agree…

    Fattie takes 1,5 litres, I purchase 3 litres, yep double flush maths… 3 litres came to give or take R1 680, including vat…

    Jacked the suspension to max height, ice cream tub under the belly of the beast, cracked open the drain nut-bolt thing and watched the stinky stuff leave the dormitory.. 3 minutes to get to that stage I think, maximum…

    Replaced the drain plug, removed the filler plug and pumped the fresh sperm whale / beenos sap into the inlet, 1,5 litres, probably 3 minutes as well..

    Specs say drive the vehicle for 10 minutes and then repeat the drain – fill thing…

    Thought I’d give it a little more time to make use of the fresh fluid so drove for three days on the first replacement fluid… nothing, like nothing, not a pop, not a groan, not a grunt, not a drag, not a thump….

    3 days later I replaced the fluid for the 2nd refill, and yes, its whisper quiet and smooth..

    Now look, I have no doubt that now that I have written this short story, my transfercase will implode in another 2 weeks time, and if that happens, I will take pics and post, however, for now I will let sleeping Sperm whales lie..

    Have since then chatted to a good mate who has a M3 amongst his arsenal, surprisingly he mentioned the exact thing happens on the limited slip diff on that specific model, when it does you don’t replace the diff, you simply change the BMW Sperm whale oil and drive on until next time.. I mean, Would you believe it, think about how many M3 limited slip differential factories around the world are going bust....

    More research revealed that a fellow in the UK on one of the popular Fattie websites simply replaces the oil on a yearly basis, it’s just not worth being bothered about it, just do it and be done…

    So there you have it.. R100k, R1,6k, bet if the damn thing pukes Ill get it all repaired on my workbench for less than R10k, including a chain for R3k..

    That’s crap service Landrover, like really really crap. Quite frankly, I deserved better, not free, but better, which you were able to provide if you just tried a little harder. Your lack of compassion shines through as arrogant, and I fear this will stand you in poor stead in years to come.

    That day, in my heart, I was truly saddened to have flown your flag, been your customer and supporter of your product..

    Yours truly – A pimple on the arse of a giant, somewhere between Alberton and Sandton..

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